Jason's appointment!

Jason had his speech evaluation today and I will admit that I was completely terrified. Normal for a mother I would say! We went into the room and she had toys out for him and asked me a bunch of questions. As I was answering these questions, I realized that Jason does a lot more than I felt like he does. He has been picking up new words like crazy lately! She also said that it is good that he has his own word for a certain thing and always says it when he wants it, I just need to work with him a little bit at a time on everything! I am extremely relieved that it is not real bad! She said kids will talk at different times, plus he is talking and learning more every single day! She mentioned how she might recommend going through occupational therapy because he doesn't like to eat meat..and I thought that was a little weird, but I am also not a specialist. I know plenty of kids, especially this age, that do not like meat and it takes awhile. Plus, there are people who just do not eat meat and get by! He makes up for it with eggs and peanut butter anyways!

Packing completely sucks fyi. I am already sick of it and just want to snap my fingers and be there already!

Don't ever bother reading. Seriously.

 This is more of a rant than anything, so beware before you even read. It's horrible and I'm ashamed that I am so full of hate, but this is what happens when it stays in.
I am in a pissy mood. So it is all coming out.

I hate money. It is the worst thing ever. I hate how hard it is to me and how we have to pay out of pocket to move back to Indiana, but things didn't get in order in time for it to be any other way..but "supposedly" we will get reimbursed... (just like we were told before..) so cross your fingers it really happens.. because we need the money to get a house back in Indiana. If we don't get this money back, I will scream.. maybe. lol.

One thing: I am so glad that Ben and I did not have any kids with anyone else. Two: If we did, I would NEVER treat Ben's other child like he/she was nothing. That is the most messed up thing I have seen in awhile, but sadly I know more than one person who does this. How can you live with yourself for being so cruel? Seriously, its disgusting to even know someone can be that way towards a kid and be so jealous of a kid. You should feel completely ashamed.

I don't wanna go home and listen to Ben's ignorant family. I WILL NOT deal with it anymore. I want this to be the last thing ever of them. I don't want anyone calling me to ask about Alex.. How about ya make JR grow up some and take him off your tit? Sounds like a good idea to me :) He needs to take care of his own stuff..not all of you. But enough about him, I'm glad I married someone with some sense out of that family.  Ben does exist you know, not just JR..  and JR will never make anything out of himself, so please stop trying to baby him every step of the way. You make Ben feel worthless at times, but I am glad he realizes he is so much better than any of you.

I am over dumb ignorant people on my facebook. How some people are and how they got there is beyond me. One thing I learned about since I have became an adult and seen more than Indiana? Is that too many people forget where they came from. Indiana is not the horrible part of your experience.. its how you make your situation. Stuck up people I freaking swear. I love Indiana, it is a beautiful place. YES, people do meth and other drugs... but can you name ONE place that people don't do that? Yeah, didn't think so. Don't do it and leave it be, simple as that. Just because people do drugs does not mean its a bad place, if that's the case... then the world is horrible and none of us should live in it. But seriously, stfu and quit saying "Oh I am so glad I got out of that place, its just so horrible" yeaaaaaah, no one cares.


Days like these I want to scream. Trying to pack is horrible. Jason does nothing but whine anymore and I am trying to keep my cool on this, but it is hard. I am exhausted. I am not a super person who can do everything 24/7.  Being a stay at home mom/wife is NOT easy. BUT I love Jason more than anything and I am so blessed that I am able to see him as often as I do and with him 24/7....but seriously, I am allowed to say I am exhausted. Get over it.


I hope no one reads this, because then they see how I have lost it,lol. I can only take so much and today is just not the day for me.

Maybe tomorrow..?

Anniversary and Rant!

So.. our Valentines Day/Anniversary was not the best, we barely got to see each other.. but we did get to see each other...that's more than some people get! I decided that I was not going to cook on my anniversary.. mainly because we did not have much, which reminds me I need to go to the grocery store.lol. Obviously we also can not go out to eat on Valentines Day since its a hassle and everyone else is out and about. We decided that we were going to do the curbside to go at Applebees since this is the restaurant we would always go to when we went on dates, so it is our tradition! Ben went to go get it after he got off of work and he had to wait well over an hour that they said they would have it done..then it was the wrong order. So, they gave us our meal for free..and dessert (which I definitely do not need! lol!) It was definitely nice to get a free meal though!! We watched a movie and ate our dinner and it was a nice evening.

All of our gifts! :)

Jason got a gun like Alex's... but he can only play with the gun part for now.

Ellie got a toy for Valentines Day too!

He wanted me to open them!

My nephew being silly,lol.

Jason with the V-day card from his Grandma!

The boys playing!

lol!

I don't even know where to begin with this next part. I feel like a broken record on this. I can not stand SOME of my in laws. Not all of them, there are some that are great! Benjamin and I are both so sick of it, but I feel like I don't have the backbone that I need to go off, until recently anyways. Sometimes I just keep my mouth shut, which I do not think is the best because it always leaves me angry about it. I can not stand to get phone calls from people and have them talk more about Alex than my own son. As most of you know, this is the situation that has us so angry to begin with..(well part of the situation). I do not care what my in laws think of this blog, because they know I feel this way. My mother in law definitely needs to get over it and quit using what I say as an excuse to never see or talk to Jason... nice try, but you have used that excuse too much Linda. I actually do not care what anyone has to say about this. It's bullshit.. plain and simple what Jason has gone through with this.. what Ben and I have gone through with this. Ben has made it clear that he does not want us to talk to a few people in his family and I respect that, because I feel the same way. They ruined what they had and this is not us overreacting one bit. I am so fed up with this crap that it is not even funny and I have had to re-deal with this the past two days.. (which is why I am so "freshly" mad,lol) JR needs to be the one to actually talk to his family and call his own son.. it's not Ben's job or my job. Alex is our NEPHEW.. not our son. Some people need to grow up and quit taking care of every ones responsibility because it is old. I am not the caretaker for anyone in that family anymore. My priority goes to Benjamin and Jason. I love my nephew so much...this is not in anyway negative towards him.. its negative towards people who lack to take care of him..or only care for him and don't even see Jason.
I WILL NOT put up with this crap once we are home. We are done. We will not deal with this any longer. My family has done amazing in picking up all of your slack when they do not even need to!

Okay.. rant over.. seriously,lol. I definitely feel better about that now though!

*February 14th*

Today, Benjamin and I have been married for 3 years. It seems like we have been married for so much longer, I actually had to do the math to make sure it was 3 years and not more,lol!
I am so glad that I got to marry my best friend! He has been the most amazing husband in the world. He has his faults and does things I wish he would do differently, but I am sure everyone can say that. I love him so much and am so thankful for him and for what has came out of our marriage, our wonderful son Jason.

February 14th, 2008

We had an amazing wedding planned and I had the perfect dress in the world... unfortunately we were not able to do anything that we had planned. Benjamin's school went way longer than expected and his leave did not get approved and he only had 4 days of leave and didn't know what days those were until the day before. We had to get married at the mayors office in town. We had two days to pick from, the 12th or the 14th, unfortunately he came in the evening of the 12th, so we had to go with Valentines Day. It is super corny to be married on this day and we can never do anything because everyone and their brother are doing something on this day. We hope to renew our vows and change it to a few days after, but I am afraid it just wont feel the same, but I guess we would be the only ones who would know..and everyone else who is reading this...lol. Our plan was to have a wedding after, but it just never happened. We are planning on renewing our vows once we are married for 5 years and having a small ceremony with close friends and family. We want to be able to do it right and have our ceremony in a church, have a wedding dress, and have my dad walk me down the isle. We WILL do this! I don't want to look back and be sad about our wedding for the rest of my life, so this is the way it will go. I am very blessed and thankful that I got to marry Benjamin though, he was my first love and everything! We have had a bumpy/rocky past.. but we have gotten through all of that and it has made us even stronger. We have been together off and on since we were 14&15 years old. That's a long time! :)

I love him!

:)

Benjamin and Abbey Jo!

Me, Beau, and Hannah!

My wonderful brother and I

I got him! :)

My parents and us!

My amazing parents.

My wonderful girls! :)

My parents and us!

Hannah, Kayla, Me, Jenn

Rob and Benjamin.

Ben and I at the reception my parents gave us!

John, Me, Ben, Mom, Dad, Mayor.

I love him.

Benjamin, Me, Devon :)

My grandpa, Me, Ben.

My brother, Devon, Brittany, and Me :)

MaryAnn and I :)

One of my best friends, my Aunt Devon.

:)

My grandpa, Nohora, Me, and Benjamin

My dress.. it was beautiful.

San Francisco Trip and more! :)

We decided to go to San Francisco for our anniversary weekend while we were still living out in California. I can't believe we have lived here off and on for 3 years and have never been there! Maybe the 7 hour drive has a lot to do with it...



Jason was amazed that he could watch Toy Story in the car! :)



The drive to San Francisco is about 7 hours from our apartment in Oceanside. The day we left was a stressful one! Ben has been going through craziness to get out of the military and Friday had to go through even more.. we were hoping to leave earlier than we did, but of course that didn't happen. We left around 5ish, which was a horrible idea, especially since it was Friday and time that everyone was getting off work. We were stuck in Los Angeles for about 2 hours! Jason did great with the ride, we strapped the portable DVD player to the headrest for the first time and he didn't know what to think of it! He didn't sleep much in the car, which really surprised me! We didn't end up getting to San Francisco until 2:50 am. It was insane.

We got to our hotel and set our alarm for 6:05 and who knows what time we ended up falling asleep. We were definitely tired! We ate breakfast at the hotel and Jason wanted to act like a little adult and sit and do everything other adults were doing, it was super cute. He is such a social kid and will go and talk to anyone, which may not be a good thing at some point. We got in the car and headed to Pier 33 for our cruise to Alcatraz. Now as silly as this may sound, I have always been so fascinated with stuff like this. I LOVED going to Alcatraz, it was awesome. It was a little crowded of course, it is a big tourist spot, but it was everything I was hoping for. The only downside to it was Jason did not want to be good at all. He fussed the entire time, which I guess I would too if I was a 2 year old kid in an extremely dull looking place. It would have been much easier if Ben and I went alone, but that opportunity is hard to ever get, plus I love doing everything I can as a family.

The view of the San Francisco Bridge from Alcatraz was breathtaking. I took so many pictures of it! If you are ever in California and like this kind of stuff, it is all definitely a must see! I am so glad we finally went up there and got to experience it. After Alcatraz, we paid a ridiculous amount for crappy food.. which I wish we would have gone to Fisherman's Wharf and ate, but oh well. We walked around all of the shops at Pier 39 and they were all cute. We saw plenty of ridiculous street performers and I hate how pushy they can all get. I hate walking anywhere and having someone bug us, it is highly annoying. We ended up going to Ripley's Believe it or Not and it wasn't as interesting as it once had been to me when I went in South Carolina. Jason had fun, but not as much as I had hoped. There wasn't too much for Jason to do on this trip, which was a total bummer!

I loved Alcatraz, it was awesome to go see!

Golden Gate Bridge in the background!

Jason did not know what to think,lol!

All in all, it was a nice anniversary weekend. It would be nice to spend alone time with Ben and go to a romantic dinner or anything romantic, but sadly my husband is not a romantic person and is completely clueless about it all, but I still love him! :)  Tomorrow we will be married for 3 years, but it seems like it has been so much longer. I HATE HATE HATE that we got "married" at the stupid mayors office and on such a stupid holiday where EVERYONE is doing stuff. It just plain sucks...but now my whiny rant is over, because I will never be able to change any of it. Boo.

We are leaving for Indiana in 15 days which is so crazy. I am just ready to be there and have everything figured out and find a house. I am thankful that I have such wonderful parents that are going to let us stay with them while we find a house and figure everything out. Hopefully we wont have to stay there too long at all! Jason is going to love being back in Indiana and have all of my family and see them all the time. He is definitely going to miss Alex, but they will be back eventually too! Ben and I had a serious talk about how things are going to be once we move back..meaning with his family. He sadly has not interest to see some people, but I also feel the same way.. but that's a huge story for another day. I am just not ready for the awkwardness, but at the same time all the anger that I still have makes me not even care about how its really going to go....thankfully I don't let it get to me near as bad anymore. I just am tired of picking up every ones mess and dealing with it, so I have chose not to!

Jason's appointment and more :)

Today was the day that we took Jason down to San Diego to see the audiologist for his hearing screen. It took us an hour and a half to get there, when usually it takes about 35 minutes..traffic was horrible this morning and we were stuck in traffic for quite awhile. When we got there, it took us about a half hour to even get in. During that time, I saw plenty of patients come and go and I realized how thankful I am that Jason doesn't have horrible problems like some have to go through. It hurt my heart to see some of those children. When Jason got called back, he wasn't bashful at all and did fantastic with all they needed him to do. He ended up passing all of the hearing tests (which I knew he would) and we are approved for 50 visits of speech therapy..but we won't be able to use them because our insurance will be up April 15th and we would have to go through the whole process to get approved once we got to Indiana anyways, so there wouldn't be enough time. Jason talks a lot, he just doesn't talk as much as he should, BUT I think he is learning more everyday..so I think he was just a little delayed on that. We are just gonna work as much as we can on it and keep on a certain schedule with it.

As time is getting closer for us to move...I realize that this journey with Ben being in the military has been an exciting one. We have had great experiences and we have had horrible experiences. The good outweigh the bad of course. We got married during this experience, said goodbye way too many times for him to leave.. but thankfully he has only had one deployment and made it home safe to meet his son. Having Jason alone wasn't ideal and we will never get that family moment in the hospital like most people do, but I'm thankful for all the family moments we have had and the many more to come. I'm completely thankful that Benjamin was able to come back to us from his deployment safe. A lot of women (and men) are not as lucky as we were and will never get their spouse/parent back...and my heart goes out to all of those people. After seeing what some people have to go through, I feel ashamed for ever being upset that I had to do things on my own for awhile and I hate that I've gotten jealous of others when they would have their husbands their for the birth of their kids. I am just ready for this journey to end and a new one to begin. It's going to be very hard after being so used to out here. I love our insurance so much and it's going to be difficult to adjust to one outside of the military, but if everyone else can do it, so can we. We are staying positive and staying on track with our lives and are excited for this new journey.

We will be San Francisco bound tomorrow and I am super excited! I have wanted to go ever since we have been out here, but I am glad that we waited until we had Jason and now Jason is a little older, so maybe he will have a little bit of fun! All we have planned so far is Alcatraz and seeing the Golden Gate Bridge so far.. so maybe I should get on to figuring out what else we will be doing!

I have started selling Scentsy and was super excited to start..but it has not been going as well as I had hoped yet.. BUT I am also not back in Indiana yet, where a lot of my stuff has been shipped to and I will be able to do better once I can throw parties and let people actually see the warmers and smell the scents.

I just have to say..this moving process sucks! It's so hard to pack with a 2 year old. I am over packing already and just want to snap my fingers and be in Indiana. If only, huh? lol. It feels soooo far away, but it's just around the corner. :)

The First Blog :)

So here goes my first blog... excited?

I have been meaning to do this for quite awhile now and it would have made much more sense if I would have started writing blogs years ago with being away from "home"...but better late than never right?
As most of you may know..we are starting our process to move back to Indiana. I am SO excited to finally be moving back! It has been a stressful month with trying to figure out moving plans and having Ben figure out all he needs to in order to get out of the military. I don't even want to go into detail with the annoying process that Ben has had to go through to get out. We are nervous and scared about being out of our "comfort zone" that we have had with Benjamin being in the military. We are glad that so many people have been supportive and sad to say that we have had to hear stupid comments from ignorant people about "falling flat on our faces". We are very aware that it is about to be hard and insurance, jobs, and school are going to be way different now..but that is life.. it's what people do! Ben luckily has a job lined up and will be starting school in May, so I am excited and relieved on that part. I still have 7 or so months to go on my Associates degree, so I am excited for that and ready to figure things out for us.
Jason has been a little on the slower side with talking (not mentally...just stubborn) He talks completely fine, just not as many words as he should, but our nephew Alex was the same way and is just now talking more too so we have not been too worried. He has learned 3 new words in the past 2 days, so I think I was just overreacting with being worried about him not saying enough words. He has a hearing test scheduled for tomorrow morning just to rule that out while we still have insurance. I know that he hears just fine, the doctor just said we should rule this out first. She is not too concerned at all because he is where he should be with everything else.
We are planning on going to San Francisco this weekend for the first and probably last time. We are going to Alcatraz and just wanna see a few other things while we are out here. This is also for our anniversary.. so we are killing two birds with one stone. I am hoping Jason will do good with the 7 hour drive, that way I can relax a little bit with knowing we will have to do a 30 hour drive in just a couple weeks. I will be sure to post plenty of pictures of our weekend trip!